But as he imagined it did not work. For several years in marriage, Chuck and Rachel thought that at least he should not do a fight that never seemed to be solved. He believed that Chuck should not be angry yet, but eventually he kept dealing with anger while his wife was sleeping.
A few days after a recent discussion in a session with me, Chuck told me what he was passing through. He and Rachel were driving to a friend's party, but the instructions printed were wrong. Chuck got off at the designated exit and went to the west as instructed, but could not find the next sign. Why was not there? He looked at his wife and assumed that he was not reading the correct direction correctly. He was frustrated with his tone and I was convinced that she was reading her, but she asked him to stop.
He reassured her, but then passed the gas station. They were already late, I was convinced that he could find a place: it was somewhere in this street. He handed it over the day before, he remembered. While searching for the landmarks shown in the invitation, he finally dropped by David Lynch's movie to the neon lighting first fast food joint straight. Four young people of the gold chain glared at his car. As his wife became increasingly angry, he headed in the other direction.
He asked him to stop screaming very quietly, but he was indignant that he was stuffy. Rachel was still angry with him, his compelling calm was not attractive. He withdrew when the fantasy that the car collapses began to bloom in his brain. Nothing is disgusting enough for Chuck to shout in the car. He did not like to ask the way, he was proud of his ability to find his way even if he got lost.
He felt he did not trust him when Rachel lost such a temper and hit his love on a daily basis.
Even after he eventually stopped due to instructions at the local motel, drove to the party, and even discovered that the printed instruction of their host was indeed wrong, she apologized Waited for. Chuck and Rachel danced once in Aretha Franklin's "respect". Ironic of his lyrics was not lost.
My friend Michael Eigen is a New York psychoanalyst who, unlike most of Freud's descendants, is not postponed by chasing the Holy Spirit but his book on meditators named Ken Psychic Deadness (1996 Year) He helped me with the temper of his abuse. Through my story with Chuck, Ken 's flash continued constantly. Mr. Ken 's case study is entitled "Stillness Storm" and the arrow shows the dynamic relationship between the two states that Ken and Chuck are not trying to accept.
The center of the story is Ken's anger and efforts to use Buddhist meditation to settle it. Boredom and peace were opened into him in meditation.Ken was still angry among his family. His expectation for himself and his family was great. He demanded a calm family life and disappointed whenever the conflict broke the meditative stability, blaming himself and his family. He wanted his family to live with their values, keep peace and calm in mind, and make meditation the center of their lives. He resented the confusion of his family life and was more attracted to the simplicity of a quiet and comfortable feeling.
"A part of the difficulties of Ken was a hidden hope to control the family (perhaps the life itself) with a single mood, he was not satisfied to enjoy calmly and to the real disturbance of life Meditation was centered on him, but meditation was around him, but I hid the violent request that life is not life, my wife is not my wife, and my child is not a child. "
A violent request that his wife is not his wife ... I talked to Chuck about it. Because he wanted an apology from Rachel, she was unbelievable to hold it. Unconscious severity constituted his tranquility. How is what his grandma said? Why did not Rachel say she was disappointed? "Why can not you go?" She continued to insist that she knew many years of meditation practice.
I felt that Chuck had to stand up for himself, but he missed the opportunity to zero the self sense that was the root of suffering. Tibetan Buddhists say you are wrongly accused and inform yourself that "I am not doing it! The self that we take to become a reality is most visible in the era of anger, In order to gain free insight into separation, we must first find ourselves to look like us indeed. The innocent innocent moment is due to this most psychological spiritual task It is the main opportunity.
In his book, Dr. Eigen examines the relationship between Ken and anger and devotion to tranquility. Ken did not try to quiet his mind but was striving to silence the chaotic early environment. "As time went on, he realized from meditation that he was trying to get calm without he got from his parents.
But meditation frustrated Ken because he could not change his life. He then wanted too much and then began to hate that he could not change. He tried to dominate his life using meditation, instead of moving between storm and silence using meditation exercises, but waiting for the other to leave. He needed a therapy to tell me what I learned in yoga.Chuck was very similar in the relationship between Ken and his anger. He had an official on how things would go. If he and Rachel fight, they should be able to handle it. He will try to admit his mistake, but he should be able to do his wife. If she was so mad, you should be able to apologize at least. However, Rachel did not want to talk about such a thing. She got angry, but it was over when she finished. She did not like all of Chuck's rules.
Chuck was difficult to allow the fight to disappear by itself. He wanted the apology. Chuck was turning his back on Rachel, when fought a few days after going to bed, surprised when turning his back on Rachel. Contrary to his will, he moved to her softness and warmth. She felt good for him, and he temporarily thanked her gesture. A part of his anger melted. "Like yoga, even in an emotional life," I said. Movement between forms is as important as asanas itself. If you stare at what you look like asa, you really are not doing asana. Consciousness is more important than external forms, consciousness may pass through several states: anger, frustration, or bliss. Yoga can accept all the countries.
I talked to Chuck a story about a new book by Jack Cornfield "After Ecstasy", the laundry about the Zen Master Suzuki Rosi at the San Francisco Zen Center (Bantam Books). Students were always seeking ways to deal with difficult feelings such as anger. "Even if you sit and eat when you sit to eat, even if you sit and sit down, you may be angry with the same way? Someone once asked him Do you pass like a thunderstorm? Suzuki Roshi replied. Oh I want to do it.
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